


Under the Mistletoe

by hideunspoken



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, warning: infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-15
Updated: 2013-04-15
Packaged: 2017-12-08 13:47:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/762020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hideunspoken/pseuds/hideunspoken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A mistletoe kiss is the gateway to an affair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Under the Mistletoe

The mistletoe was the catalyst.  
An innocent evening hunched over designs and swatches of fabrics with his coworker transformed with a glance and gesture to the top of the doorway, pointing out the hanging mistletoe as they went to leave.  
“I don’t think anyone actually participates in that tradition, Jeremy,” Kurt remarked, trying to subtly avoid his eyes, steadily ignoring the slight flush of his cheeks.  
“We could,” Jeremy suggested. “If—you know—if you want to.” He stepped closer to Kurt, just past the acceptable business-related distance. Kurt’s heart hammered in his chest, but he didn’t say a word. He didn’t say no or I’m married. The silence echoed in the small room.  
Jeremy, assessing the signs for what they were, leaned in closer, raising his hand to rest lightly on Kurt’s neck, the faintest brush of a thumb along his cheekbone. A steadying breath and Kurt tilted his head up in invitation, which was all Jeremy needed to close the distance.  
It was meant to be a simple press of the lips, and it was at first. The first kiss was chaste, more so than any kiss Kurt had had in years. It could have passed as innocent, just an old holiday tradition carried out by two platonic coworkers. At least, it could have until Kurt surged forward again, crashing their lips together with more force, more desperation as Jeremy responded immediately, both of his arms winding around Kurt’s neck now, clutching to him in stark contrast to his previously tentative hold.  
They molded together for just a few minutes before coming to their senses, realizing that they were in the middle of their workplace, and while it was nearing 9pm, there were still a couple of people milling about. Kurt stepped backwards, affording himself some space as he smoothed down the lapel of his coat.  
Jeremy’s eyes drifted around the office, rubbing roughly at the back of his neck before looking at Kurt once more.  
“I…should be going now,” Kurt declared, pulling his bag higher on his shoulder. Jeremy nodded awkwardly.  
“Goodnight, Kurt.” And, damn it, Kurt could hear the sincerity behind the words, the tiny bit of hope. He could do nothing but nod and return the parting words.  
And so it began.  
It progressed into more, and while the affair began as a primarily sex-centered relationship, it was satisfying for reasons far beyond that. Kurt didn’t usually have issues with his and Sebastian’s sex lives. It was frequent and adventurous—that wasn’t the issue. The only problem Kurt had was that it could get distant and impersonal. Sometimes he felt like he was just there, like his proximity and willing body was the only reason Sebastian cared if he participated. It wasn’t always like that, of course. Kurt and Sebastian had always had a bit of a deeper connection, ever since their fucking turned into something more and spiraled into love and marriage, but sometimes Sebastian got in these moods. They weren’t the kind where he was cold and awful, and he didn’t treat Kurt incredibly poorly. He just became—he was indifferent. Uncaring. And it made Kurt feel useless in a way he couldn’t articulate.  
Jeremy was completely different. He enjoyed Jeremy’s company, loved their time together, however tainted it was from his marital status. Jeremy basically worshipped the ground Kurt walked on, ever since his first day at the company, having been a huge fan of Kurt’s designs for years. Kurt knew of his infatuation, and while it made him feel appreciated and whole, he didn’t necessarily return it. He used it to get his fill, his connection to another person, before returning to his husband after every time.  
He felt guilty out of obligation. You cheat; you feel guilt. The two were supposed to go hand in hand.  
True remorse and overwhelming shame never quite fell upon him, though. It was more…helplessness. The fact that he had been cheating for months and Sebastian never seemed to notice, never batted an eye, made him feel more worthless than his infidelity ever could.  
It was a battle with himself. He was meticulous with his affair, making sure his cover stories were flawless; he never smelled like Jeremy’s cologne; he kept his phone locked with a pass code, and even then, he deleted his texts with Jeremy at the end of every day, but it didn’t change the overwhelming contradiction of him desperately wanting Sebastian to notice. Maybe that’s why he was so careful with his affair. The more care he took, the more Sebastian would have to pay attention to realize. He just wanted for Sebastian to care again, to notice that Kurt was withdrawing from his husband, but all that seemed to happen was Sebastian allowing him to withdraw, becoming similarly and more intensely distant himself. Whenever Kurt took the time to really reflect on everything and admit this all to himself, he felt even more hopeless with his twisted logic.  
It wasn’t until the end of May, months away from the initial mistletoe kiss that everything came to fruition. Sebastian had left for work early in the morning and wasn’t due back until the early hours of the next morning, since he was taking a quick trip to Chicago for a seminar. Kurt had gone home early, finished with his work for the week, and he texted Jeremy to come over since he was off.  
It was late in the evening, but still a few hours until Sebastian was supposed to be home, when they worked around each other in the kitchen, trading kisses and bites of food as they prepared their dinner, a domesticity to the act that made Kurt both glow in satisfaction and shame. A key jingling in the hallway was enough to make Kurt’s heart stop. No one else had a key to their apartment besides him and Sebastian.  
Kurt watched, detached, as Jeremy started to freak out silently, rapidly glancing around him, as if to find a hiding place.  
“Kurt. I—what are we going to do?”  
Kurt looked down to take in their half undressed state, both shirtless and in loose sweats, and he didn’t even try to find a way out of this. He shook his head and murmured, “Just don’t talk.”  
He gave up in every sense of the phrase, turning towards the entryway, waiting while he heard Sebastian shove off his shoes and make his way through the hall and to the kitchen.  
The room was silent.  
Jeremy stood in the corner by the pantry, arms crossed over his bare chest, and lips pressed tightly shut. Kurt raked a nervous hand through his hair when Sebastian froze, taking in the scene, and tossing his briefcase to the side. At the very least, they could have been in a much more compromising situation. Silver lining, Kurt supposed.  
“Well.” Sebastian swallowed thickly, eyes bouncing back and forth from his husband and the other man in his kitchen. He took in a deep breath, not seeming to let it out before nodding to himself. “I’m going to go take a shower. If you’ll, uh, get him out of our apartment, I’d appreciate it,” Sebastian said before retreating to their room. Kurt stared after him for a shocked moment, before turning to Jeremy, who immediately began apologizing.  
“Will you just…go, please?” Kurt asked, grabbing Jeremy’s shirt from where it was flung on their way to the bedroom, and quickly showing him out without another word.  
Kurt tentatively entered their room, perching on the edge of the bed while he waited for Sebastian to finish his shower.  
Nothing made a single thread of sense. Sebastian’s lack of reaction, his quick dismissal. Kurt squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for some type of conversation that he truly had no idea how it’d go, until he heard the shower squeak off. He waited, taking shallow breaths until Sebastian emerged from the bathroom, already in his pajamas.  
Sebastian flicked off the light, walking to his side of the bed and climbing under the covers. Kurt turned to watch him, disbelievingly.  
“Are you going to say anything? Yell at me? Anything?”  
“If I was going to yell at you for having an affair, I would have done so three months ago when I found out,” Sebastian revealed, lying on his side to face Kurt. “You can lie down, you know. Cheating on me hasn’t stopped you from lying on your side of the bed any night in however long it’s been going on. What is it, just the few months? Longer? A year?”  
“Since mid-December,” Kurt answered, his voice breaking. “Why didn’t you tell me you knew?”  
Sebastian stared at the corner of his pillow intently, playing with a loose string between his fingertips and steadily ignoring the tears blurring his vision and threatening to escape the confines of his eyes.  
“A lot of reasons,” he began. “I didn’t want to have this conversation, for one. What could possibly come from telling your husband that you know he’s sleeping with someone else? I didn’t want the confrontation when pretending was so nice and easy,” Sebastian explained, but Kurt could sense a much deeper and more complicated answer. “Besides, I didn’t even know if it was still ongoing. I only saw you one time with him. Came to see you at your office and passed that little coffee shop downstairs where you two were cuddling up in a way that was definitely not work-friendly.”  
Kurt twisted his body, maneuvering himself under the blanket and onto his side, facing Sebastian.  
“I’m sorry,” Kurt mumbled. Sebastian responded by closing his eyes tightly to escape the sudden closeness. He finally let his tears fall gently onto his pillow. “I know it probably doesn’t mean much to you, but I am.”  
“Do you love him?”  
“No,” Kurt answered immediately. He enjoyed Jeremy’s company, liked his personality, and the sex was great, but there was definitely no love. “I just—god, I can’t even say a word because everything will seem like an excuse, but there is none. I just felt lonely and I made a bad decision—several of them, and a part of me wanted to shake you and just yell that I’m unhappy, but I couldn’t do it. Then Jeremy came along and…he made me feel wanted and something resembling happy. I’m just—I’m really sorry for hurting you when there were a thousand alternatives, answers that would leave us both a little less harmed.”  
“Like leaving me?” Sebastian asked, his eyes still shut.  
“Well, not necessarily, but I mean, that was a possible solution,” Kurt replied honestly. It had been something he considered briefly, but couldn’t bring himself to do.  
“It’s why I didn’t tell you I knew. I’m afraid you’ll choose him and ask for a divorce. I thought I could try and deal with sharing you if it means I still have you. I wanted to escape loosing you for as long as possible.”  
The present tense in which Sebastian spoke did not go unnoticed.  
“He was second-best. I want you, all of you, but I didn’t feel like I had you, so I searched and settled. I don’t want him, Sebastian, and I’m sorry, and I know there’s not much I can say to make you believe me or make any of this better, but I love you so much. I love you and I’m sorry.” Kurt sniffed, wiping at the tears furiously rushing down his cheeks, sliding down to his nose.  
“I’ve hated you for it for the last three months,” Sebastian said. “I’ve loved you and tried to just keep quiet about everything to avoid this all, but I’ve hated you, and I’m really ready to just stop. To stop being so damn miserable and closed down from you. I want—if you want to try, to still be in this marriage and work things out, then I really want to try.” Sebastian finally looked into Kurt’s eyes holding his gaze and reaching across the space of No Man’s Land between them, clasping Kurt’s hand in his own.  
“I do,” Kurt said fervently. “I do want to try. I want to be with you and make it up to you and prove how much I love you every day. Please give me that chance.” Sebastian’s agreeing nod was short before Kurt scooted across the bed, gathering his husband into his arms and holding tight. He murmured apologies into Sebastian’s hair and held on, grounding himself against Sebastian’s form.  
There would be hundreds of fights, but infinitely more kisses. Hours of yelling, but years of I love you’s. There was a long and painful road to true reconciliation, but endless miles of their happily ever after.


End file.
